4 Pillars to Successful and Happy Marriage.

This article is the continuous of my previous article “What is the purpose of your marriage?” Marriage is a big part of our adult life. I will talk in detail the very base of happy and successful marriage.

Love is not all around anymore, is it?

Nowadays we do not see many people have the happy marriage. They thought they will be happy once they got married. But the reality is, they found sadness, sorrow, frustration and depression in their marriage life. Actually, 65% of the world’s news is marriage news if I might say. If we have to put them all in every media, we will not have other news, except news about marriage and its problems. That’s why they don’t put them all. We more interested in politics, sports, government, health, entertainment and maybe a few about marriage too. But the fact is, 9 out of 10 marriages are in trouble. That’s why we see the number of divorce is increasing every single day. So, my question is, is marriage happiness or is marriage sadness? Please think this question carefully. Think it through. See it in your own life marriage experiences. Is it happiness or is it sadness?

Can I count on you?

I can say that if you say marriage is happiness, it is not quite right. If you say sadness, it is also not quite right. The correct answer is,

Marriage is a struggle, striving, working hard to correct the construction of marriage so in the end happiness might be achieved eventually.

So the key is that marriage itself neither happiness nor sadness. Marriage is a process to establish, to create happiness. So when you are married, you need more than love to make your marriage works. So when 2 people wanted to get marriage and they say after marriage they will be happy, they are wrong. They are not ready to be married. They should know that marriage is about duties and responsibilities.

Marriage is about giving, not taking.

Life is about giving. So is marriage. A lot of couples always say “He doesn’t love me anymore” or “He doesn’t understand me” or “She has changed a lot”. Well, I can say that this statement is selfish. You know why? Because this person doesn’t understand that marriage is about giving. Many women always wonder why we don’t count star anymore after got married or why he is not as romantic as when we were dating.

Marriage is a whole new game. There are rules to follow in order for marriage to last as long as “till death do us part” when you took a vow. Please stop asking what your spouse should do to you and start asking yourself what you can do to your spouse so you can have what you want for your marriage.

Many books talk about how we can have happy marriage, how to light up your marriage, how to make your partner love you even more and dozens of other how we can encounter.

But all these books do not talk about the main problem of the marriage. The core of the problem is seldom discussed. To me, most of them are just like tips and tricks. I will not talk about tips or tricks to help you get successful and happy marriage. I am sure you know more than I do. I am just going to discuss the very core of marriage. What do we need to achieve happy and successful marriage.

You need more than just love.

Marriage has to be built on something called “conscience”. How many times do we hear this word? We often hear something like love, care, take care, etc, but not this. I am sure you understand the meaning of this word. The main concern here is that the 4 pillars I am going to discuss is the manifestation of conscience.

Pillar # 1: Affection

Affection is one form of love, but not the normal love we know. The love we know is selfish love. Affection is the genuine true love. We often hear people say something like “He doesn’t love me anymore” or “Do you love me anymore?” or even worse “Why can’t you love me more than I do”. Selfish love is taking, always expecting your spouse to do something for you. You still think about yourself, not your spouse or your family. You are always the center.

True love is giving. You have to put some efforts in building solid marriage. You need to make some sacrifices. Loving your spouse means you need to make him or her happy. Not expecting your spouse to make you happy. You need to serve your spouse. I know what you might think, boy this is too much. Too much for being married. I say yes. Again, marriage is not some boy falling in love with a girl in high school. It’s beyond that. You and your spouse need to help each other. So again, affection or I can say “true love” is about making sacrifice, put priority for your spouse,

Pillar # 2: Respect

The truth behind respect is that if we respect others, others will respect us. That’s the universal truth. Not many people can do this, especially in marriage life. Why do we have to respect our partner? That’s because no couple is perfect. We always have our differences. No families are the same. Therefore, if we have different opinions, different thoughts, different way of thinking, this will not be a problem if we respect each other.

I will not discuss in detail about respect. This is one topic in itself. But you get my point here. You can forget about the course you enroll about self development if you can not do this simple task, respect others. Many courses out there teach us how to communicate with others. But how can you expect to communicate better with your spouse if you can not even respect this person? That’s impossible. I guess the ability to respect others is built from childhood. That’s why it is very important for parents to understand the value of respect and teach it to their children when they are still young.

I give you 5 reasons why we should respect our spouse:

1. Equally noble

In God’s eyes, we are the same.

2. Our spouse IS NOT our servant.

3. Our spouse is the mother or father of our children.

This is probably the most important reason why you should respect your spouse. If you understand this, there is no way that you will ignore your spouse by not treating your wife or husband in the right way.

4. Our spouse will not be with us forever.

We are human. We will die eventually. So use the most of your time together by respecting each other. Cherish every moment together.

5. Our spouse is the son of God.

If we do not respect each other, I can say that we do not respect God. Because we are all the sons of God.

Pillar # 3: Forgiveness

We have to forgive each other, forgive your partner. Why? Because every family has its own problems. There are times when misunderstanding, disagreement and dispute must take place. Often marriage is right in the edge of divorce just because we can not forgive each other. Just for one mistake, divorce is the only option.

A classic example that often encountered in marriage live is cheating on your spouse. Do you think that you can forgive your husband or your wife if he or she cheated on you? Tough question right? Well, if he or she has cheated on you, the question you should ask yourself, why he or she cheated on me? We have to look inside ourselves what is wrong with ourselves. Not starting to blame our partner which is what would happen normally, right? Do we have the power to forgive our spouse if he or she cheated on us?

Please look at the situation very carefully. Because the power of forgiveness is the power we always ask God. Think about it. We always ‘beg’ God to forgive us. If we always ask God to forgive us so, why can’t we forgive our spouse? Because the way I see it, there is no mistake big enough that we do not deserve to be forgiven. If you have the power of forgiveness, this will give you the whole new life for you and your family. I am sure your feeling to your spouse will not be the same, but over time, you will over come this. If you spouse sincerely asking for your forgiveness and promise you or maybe even swear to you, you should forgive him or her. You should know that when you forgive your spouse, he or she will repent and will never do that same mistake again.

Pillar #4: Gratitude

Last but not least, gratitude is something we need to achieve successful and happy marriage. We have to thank our husband or our wife for something that you think he or she has done for us that make things better. Often in marriage life, husband is so arrogant that when his wife cooked very nice meal, he just keeps silent. No compliment coming from him. Saying like “Hmm.. today’s meal is so delicious. Thank you. What did you put in there?” This would make your wife feel that she is being treated like a queen. Don’t you think so?

We really have to thank our husband or wife. Sometimes ‘thank you’ does not have to be said. Just giving a smile to him or her, or just short saying ‘thank you’ will make big different in your marriage life.

Try to practice this in your daily life. Give compliment and see what happens.

Ok, that is it. Now you know the 4 pillars to successful and happy marriage. These are the foundations. No tricks no tips. As simple as it gets. These are the factors that we forget most of the times. But now you know what you should do to keep your marriage ever lasting.

I know this post might not be perfect. It maybe offends you in some way. So I need your contribution on this. Please give me your comments, critics, opinions or suggestions how I can improve my article in the future.

And if you like what you read here, please do share with your friends in Facebook or Twitter or any other social medias I have below. I would love to hear from you.

See you!

What is the Purpose of Your Marriage?


What is the purpose of your marriage? This might be one of the toughest questions among us. Getting married is our common social status that we must do as we get older/get mature. It is not compulsory to get marriage, but if we do get married, people will see us differently. It will improve our social status. In some developing countries, people can get married as young as 15 years old. But in some developed countries; things can get more complicated than just saying “I do”.

People tend to forget about the purpose of their marriage after a few years of marriage. Often times, even just a few months. It is because they do not know what it was when they first got married.

Sex, want to have kids, want to live together forever, this can be a big driving force to get married. When we say “I am adult now, and I think I can get married” or “I am so in love with him/her, I can just marry this person” or “I am in love with him/her and I can not live without him/her”. There is nothing wrong with this question. The problem is there are a lot to it than just a statement.

That’s why getting divorce is so common now. There are countless books that talk about how to have a happy marriage. But actually all those books only talk about small pieces how we can have a happy marriage or how to avoid divorce. Those books only talk about how to keep your marriage alive, how to make your partner happy and hundreds or thousands other tips to keep your marriage everlasting.

Actually there are a few fundamentals we have to understand in marriage life. This way, we don’t just want to get divorce whenever we face problems with our partner. In my next article, I will be talking about the fundamentals of marriage life.

Weight Loss with Indonesia Sweet Fruits Salad.

I wonder you might think what is sweet fruits salad? Actually it is traditional Indonesia fruit salad, especially in the island of Java. When you look at the picture, all the ingredients are normal fruits. You can find them in your local store or supermarket. Like papaya, pineapple, cucumber, tofu. But of course they are some that might not be in your country.

A = Cucumber
B = Bengkuang (Pachyrhizus Erosus)
C = Papaya
D = Jambu Cincalo Merah (Syzygium Samarangense)
E = Tofu
F = Pineapple

Like the picture number D. It is Jambu Cincalo Merah or in latin it is Syzygium Samarangense. This particular jambu has natural sweet and it is red. Not only this jambu tastes good, but it contains Vitamin A, C, calcium and lot of natural water. When you are thirsty you can just eat some of these jambu.

Also picture number B, Bengkuang, or in latin it is Pachyrhizus erosus. Bengkuang contains phosphor, sugar and calcium. Bengkuang can also be used to substitute water because it contains 80%-90% natural water.

But what I want to talk about most is the dressing of this particular salad. It is gula merah or you can say it brown sugar in English. Actually it is not really brown sugar. It is a liquid produce from flower of Sugar Palm or Gomuti Palm. Because this sugar is produced from flower of sugar palm/gomuti palm, you can say the level of sweetness is pretty natural. Imagine the natural sweet from sugarcane. It is the same thing. Even in Chinese medication, this particular sugar can be used to cure some illness along with other herbs. You can see the picture below.

How to make the dressing?

The process is pretty simple. What I have done here is I take about 300 gram of gula merah, mix it with 250 ml of water and boil it for about 20 minutes. If you like your dressing a little bit thicker, you can add less water and the boiling time a little bit longer. For me, I like it thick and I used to add some chilies and peanut as necessary. The idea is to go as natural as you can according to your taste :) It is as simple as making mayonnaise right?

Preparation

Basically, you just peel all of those fruits or if you like it with skin you can just leave as it is and then put them on a plate. As simple as it gets! But for tofu, it must be fried. I know when you hear ‘fried’ you must be thinking “well, that’s not good for our health”. Yes, I know it’s not good. But you can just do slight fry. Not deep fry. Just enough to make the outer of tofu turn yellow. That will be enough. I do not know how to say it here, but when those fried tofu dip into gula merah and you take a bite, you can feel the nature taste of gula merah right from tofu itself. Very very delicious!

You can put anything you want in this salad. You can put apple, strawberry, mango, melon, watermelon,  or any other fruits that you can easily find in your country. The idea is to be creative with your salad with your favorite fruits.

Hope you enjoy my article about Indonesia’s sweet fruits salad. Please do share with others by tweeting it to your friends in twitter or facebook. Also do leave comments down here. I would love to hear from you.  If you haven’t subscribed to my newsletter, please subscribe here so you won’t miss my next update. C’ya!

8 Diets Everyone Should Try

Nowadays our diets are jeopardized and we end up eating a lot of junk food which ends up harming our body tremendously. So it is important for us to somehow follow a balanced diet such that we may live life to the fullest. In order to do that, we must eat healthy and plan our diet smartly.

In order to maximize nutrition from what we eat, we should make sure that certain food items are always included by us at some point of our diet and eaten as frequently as possible. Nutritionists have therefore found out 8 foods that we should eat. These foods help us avoid all kinds of diseases and help us to be healthy and remain youthful and beautiful.

These 8 foods which we should eat are Spinach, Yoghurt, Tomatoes, Carrots, Blue berries, Black Beans, Walnuts and Oats.

Spinach may be green and leafy but it is the ultimate food for a healthy person. It is a rich source of the Omega 3 acids and Folate. It helps to reduce the risk of heart disease, Stroke and Osteoporosis. Furthermore spinach also helps to gain sexual enhancement. This is rich in Lutein which helps in reducing macular degeneration which is caused by old age. One should have around half cup of cooked spinach a day.

Yoghurt is rich in small micro organisms which grow inside it due the fermentation process and hence it has several probiotic qualities. It helps us to reduce the risk of cancer and greatly boosts the immune system. It is rich in calcium and proteins. One cup of yoghurt is optimal for a healthy diet.

Tomatoes are rich in antioxidants like lycopene and helps in avoiding several types of cancer and coronary heart diseases. 22mg of lycopene should be taken per day.

Carotenoid rich carrots help to negate several types of cancers and respiratory asthma as well as rheumatoid arthritis. This is the most easily accessible low calorie food item.

Blue Berries, also known as “brain berry” are most anti oxidant rich fruit and allows us to avoid several types of cancer along with age related memory disorders. Scientists have also concluded that the blue berry is very rich in Vitamins A and B and hence allows us to maintain very good cardio vascular health.

Black Beans are good for our heart and can improve our brain’s capacities like no other. They are rich in antioxidants like anthocyanin and other antioxidants.

Walnuts are richer in omega 3 fatty acids than salmon and have more anti inflammatory polyphenol compounds as compared to red wine along with half as much muscle building proteins as compared to chickens. A serving of seven nuts should be good as daily intake.

Lastly Oats are the most prominent health food which is available in the market and approved by the FDA, have carbohydrates but help in releasing the sugars locked by fibers. As oats provide 10 grams protein per half cup serving, they provide ample amounts of muscle building power.

Thus we now know the 8 foods that we should eat for a healthy living.

If you have any experience with some of these foods, please do share it with the rest of us. I would love to here from you. So add comment below or just tweet this article to your friends or share it in facebook.

Aloe Vera For Your Health and Skin Care

The Aloe genus although is most common in the continent of Africa, is now available all over the world in the form of some household species. This plant has several medicinal and also skin and body care qualities which makes it really useful.

The most basic of the uses of this genus is its healing qualities. It is used both internally as well as externally to cure several illnesses. Aloe can be externally applied on the skin to cure allergies and injuries. Also, aloe may be used to counter ulcers and burns. Furthermore it helps to counter the effect of poison. According to research it has been found out that aloe juice can be dried into a powder and that can be used to cure several ailments.

Aloe can be also used to get rid of small ailments like coughs, muscular pain and headache. It must be noted however that this plant is also used for treatment of serious diseases like HIV as well as cancer.

In terms of nutrients, Aloe contains a number of vitamins and minerals which assist its healing qualities. Aloe also has several enzymes, amino compounds needed for our body. Furthermore it also works as an anti inflammatory as well as anti bacterial agent for various uses. Aloe also inculcates in us a huge amount of energy due to the huge amount of polysaccharides which are present in them.

One of the key benefits of Aloe Vera is in its action on skin allergies and burns. It is one of the most popular remedies which are used by herbal specialists around the world. Aloe Gel can be applied on the skin, and Aloe powder is often put into capsules for instance the Aloe ride which is available in the market. Aloe gel can also be applied to cure cases of dandruff.

Diabetes which is a major ailment plaguing a large number of people, can also be tackled by plants like the Aloe Vera. Digestive problems are also cured with the help of capsules which Aloe powder in them.

However Aloe Vera most primary and popular use is in the skin care and beauty industry which uses Aloe in several skin care products. Aloe gel, juice and oils are used in cosmetics because of its benefits on skin. Aloe has tremendous cell regeneration capabilities and repair of damaged tissues. In fact most people use Aloe in their cosmetics because it is the only thing which they know about. The benefits of Aloe in skin care are numerous.

· Aloe is beneficial for dry or cracked skin.

· Aloe acts as a natural barrier against harmful toxins

· Aloe relieves heat so it can be used against sunburn.

· It is used extensively in moisturizers

· It is useful in curing skin lesions

· Aloe can effectively remove dark spots and pigmentation from the skin.

Well, now you know that one of the simple plants that we can find every where and it is all around us is Aloe Vera. Now you know just how amazing this plant is. Go grab it and make the most of it. It will help you heal and maintain your health in a long run.

So..do you have a good experience with Aloe Vera that you like to share with us? I would love to hear from you. Please add your comment below and also please share with the rest of us by tweeting it with your friends or share it in Facebook or other social medias.

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